Title: "Out of Habit"
Author: Gillian Taylor
E-Mail Address: USSTrustNo1@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13
Category: S
Spoilers: Up to and including Season 6
Keywords: Mulder/Scully UST
Summary: Love will find a way. No matter the circumstances.
Disclaimer: Ahem. Let's all sing along! Chris Carter, oh can't you see? I know they don't belong to me. They belong to Ten Thirteen. Mulder and Scully and all the rest, they are the best. I'm borrowing them with utmost respect; they'll be home before you guess. And now I will call this lame song to a rest.

Author's notes: Inspiration comes in the strangest places. Mine took place sitting in my cubicle at work, thinking 'What if...' So this is the fruition of my brainstorming at work, enjoy! And before you start thinking 'Gee, she has nothing to do at work,' that's not true. I have lots of work. I just have lots of time to think about other things...like what next to put Mulder and Scully through. I also wanted to write a blurb here also to thank my friends and crew on the USS TrustNo1. The Lone Gunpersons rule!

"Out of Habit"
by Gillian Taylor

Mother Superior Mary Elizabeth's Office
Our Lady of the Stars Convent
1616 Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois.
10:00 AM October. 08, 2000

"Why have you come here, my child?" the old woman asked in a voice that, to her, conveyed the wisdom of the ages and an infinite compassion.

The woman now known only as Sister Katherine shook her head sullenly. How many times had she asked herself that same question? How many times had only silence answered her? Too many to count.

"You seek an absolution that I cannot give, an absolution that isn't mine to bestow," Mother Superior Mary Elizabeth said gently, her heart going out to the poor soul that had sought shelter in her convent.

It had been over a year, but the face beneath the habit was still haggard from grief, her blue eyes muted and blood-shot from crying. She knew that something horrible had happened to this woman, and she thought that such pain could have only come from a man.

A lover, perhaps? It was a possibility, but Katherine was not quick to trust, and would not reveal much about her past except that she had worked in law enforcement. The rest was mere speculation.

"Perhaps you are now ready to tell me what has caused you such pain..." Mary offered, mentally praying for her acceptance. No one should beat that much pain for so long.

Blue eyes met grey, the intelligence sparking behind her irises as Katherine considered the Mother Superior's words, "You want to know the truth?" Truth. The word shot a lance of pain through her heart. That was *his* search...

Mary leaned forward on her elbows, not too close to be intimidating, but enough to signal her assent.

She nodded, speaking in a low voice, "My life began seven years ago, in a basement office with a man that I would come to love. Strange how I can say that now without so much as a pang of fear. I just wish that I could have told him my feelings before..." her voice trailed off.

"Before?" Mary prompted.

"Before he committed suicide," she whispered, "I killed him as surely as if I had pulled that trigger myself! I had thought that I had all the time in the world, when in reality, I had only a short number of days. I am a fool, Mother Superior. After his..." her voice broke again, before steadying under an icy calm, "death, I couldn't go on. I couldn't continue his, no *our,* work without him. I had told myself that I would continue the fight for him, for his memory, but I just didn't have the heart in it any more. I just let them shut us down for the last time…I couldn't face my former boss or my family so I ran...here."

During the torn nun's confession, Mary left her chair to rest a comforting hand on the young woman's shoulder, "There was little you could do, my child. However, all I have to offer are hollow condolences."

Katherine could only nod, after her brief period of icy calm, she was now barely holding back the constant grief of her loss, 'How could he have lived with this?' she despaired, but she resolutely fought against the tears.

"Go back to your room, Katherine," Mary said gently, "I will pray for your answers."

With a quick bow, the nun turned and left the room, a strand of brilliant red escaping its place beneath the habit to leave a breath of color in her wake.

Mary sighed; perhaps she could speak with Father Tom about Katherine. Somehow she knew that something was going to happen to that woman, and soon. But what...that she did not know. Whispering a short prayer, Mary continued with the daily business of running a convent.

----

Chicago Public Library
4242 Lake Shore Drive
Chicago, Illinois.
12:00 PM October. 08, 2001

"Dammit Mulder..." George began angrily only to be cut off by the object of his complaint.

"*Fox,* my name is *Fox.* Don't call me that. *She* used to call me that," the tall, hazel-eyed man snapped.

"Fine...Fox, look, she's not around any more. Enough already, let her go," George pleaded with his friend, hoping that he might be able to let go of his past once and for all.

"I can't, I won't. She's counting on me. It's all my fault that I didn't--that I failed to tell her that it was all a plan to make Them leave us alone. I've got to fix this," his eyes reflected the determination and the anguish that the past year had dealt him.

George ached for his friend, for the pain that he was going through with the loss of the woman that he loved. Strange that it took such an event to make him realize what she had meant to him only to now not even be able to find her.

He had met Dana Scully once, back in the early days of their partnership. He was the old roommate from college, coming in to visit. George had actually tried to hit on her, but seeing the possessive spark in Mulder's eyes, he pulled back. He knew even then that they were destined for each other. No matter how many times Mulder insisted that he "did not gaze at Scully," he knew. They were so much in love that it hurt to see the pain that they went through in denying it even to themselves.

There was one time during those days that Mulder called him in the middle of the night to tell him that she was gone. George hadn't recognized the voice and almost thought that he was talking about his wife, but he realized that it was Mulder in the next sentence. "They took her like they took my sister…" The lost voice on the other end of the phone made his heart ache in sympathy.

Now, at forty, divorced and no children to carry on his family name, once again he found himself at the side of his old friend. Only this time, he would be able to help him. As a private investigator, no one knew how to find Mulder's Scully better than he.

"You're certain that she's in Chicago?" Mulder asked again, interrupting George's train of thought.

"The trail leads here. You know that as well as I do, M…Fox. She's in a convent, going by the name of Sister Katherine."

Mulder shook his head, his eyes sad, "I drove her to the convent?"

"You don't know that for sure, Fox. It could have been just about anything. Perhaps that is where she's hiding."

"It's been too easy to find her!" he exclaimed, "It can't be this easy!"

"Fox! Before you were complaining that it was too hard to find her and you despaired of ever doing so. Now it's too easy? Its been over a *year!*"

"Don't you think I know that?! Don't you know that there has not been a single day that I don't count down as another day spent searching for her? Dammit, George…" he trailed off with a helpless gesture.

"Fox, if you really want to see her again, please. Calm down! I'll call the convent first. We'll go there day after tomorrow. I have some things to check before we go to see her. I want to be sure, for your sake, Fox."

All of a sudden, his search almost complete, Mulder felt the first strands of fear grasping for him. Could he face her again? Face her righteous anger at revealing that he was alive after all this time? He had to. If only to see her again.

----

Sister Katherine's Cell
Our Lady of the Stars Convent
1616 Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois.
1:00 PM October. 08, 2000

Katherine straightened the meager contents of her room for the sixth time since she left the Mother Superior's presence, finding comfort in the mindless task. Sometimes it was barely enough to keep the near constant tears at bay. This and walking through the garden. She used to have a daydream, one wherein she would sit on the stone bench beneath the maple and a familiar and much loved voice would ask her, "Is this seat taken?"

But each time she turned around, she would see nothing. He hadn't come back to her. He was dead. And it was at times like that that she couldn't hold back the tears.

Turning towards the door, she checked it once again to make certain that it was closed. She had seemingly inherited Mulder's intense paranoia, but it had served her in good stead during the last year. She had known that someone was on her trail, the Gunmen had contacted her to tell her that the Consortium was after her once and for all. She was now seen as Mulder's inheritor. The one that would carry on his fight even out of the Bureau. How wrong they were.

She had fled with the Gunmen's help to Chicago, under the disguise of Sister Katherine, a nun transferred from a Baltimore convent. She had not taken the vows of the Sisterhood of Christ, but she lived among them, living and working as one of the Brides of Christ. Though it was a simple life, the constant reminders of his presence no longer surrounded her. Except of course, for that part of her heart that was and always would be his and his alone.

Sighing quietly, Katherine reached under her mattress to pull out one of the few personal possessions that she was able to take with her, a photo of her and Mulder.

To her, that photo showed with precision the dynamic between herself and her former partner. She was staring intently at him, her face wearing that skeptical amused expression that she affected so well while he was leaning over her, telling her about some paranormal theory that could explain what had happened at the crime scene. A fond smile touched her lips as she traced his frame with a finger, in that moment reliving her years at his side and missing him more than ever. A tear blurred his features, its owner unable to keep up the fragile control any more.

"Why, Mulder?  Why did you leave me?"

----

Mother Superior Mary Elizabeth's Office
Our Lady of the Stars Convent
1616 Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois.
1:00PM October. 10, 2001

Mary hung up the phone with a sigh. Sometimes it seemed as if even a Convent was unable to escape telemarketers. One would think that they would realize that in service to the Lord, it did not leave much room for a 'Super-Duper Chili Maker at the low, low price of only 19.99.'

A faint knock interrupted her reverie, the door opening to reveal Sister Magdaline. "Mother Superior, there are two men to see you."

"Did you ask them what they wanted?"

"They would not tell me. They said that you would be the only one that could help them. The tallest one, he reminds me of Sister Katherine…"

Mary's eyes snapped upwards, "Send them in."

Magdaline bowed once and was gone. A few minutes later, a louder knock sounded against the oak door.

"Come in."

Standing in the doorway were two unlikely men, one taller even than Father Tom, the other slightly taller than herself. Mary stood and offered her hand to the men, "I am Mother Superior Mary Elizabeth. Please have a seat."

Mulder shook her hand gently before taking the offered seat, his eyes reminding her of a frightened animal. George, taking the cue from his silent friend, took over, "Mother Superior, my name is George Fitzpatrick, and I'm a Private Investigator. My friend here is Fox Mulder, my client. I have tracked someone to your convent, a young woman in her late thirties, about 5'2" with red hair. Her name is Dana Katherine Scully."

'Katherine,' the name rung through her head as she took a seat, "There is no Dana Scully at this convent."

"But there is a Sister Katherine in your registry," George prompted.

"That is correct. But she is under this house's protection. May I ask why you are searching for her?"

"You may," George responded, cracking a smile that quickly faded as he saw that the nun was not sharing in the joke, "Fox has been looking for her for over a year. She's the only family that he has left."

Mary closed her eyes, rubbing a hand across the bridge of her nose, "How do you know that it is her? The one that you are looking for?"

Now Mulder raised his head, his eyes shocking her in the grief that was so much like that she saw daily in Katherine's eyes, "I would know if I could see her."

"Mr. Mulder..."

"Fox," he corrected.

"Fox, Sister Katherine has been very fragile for the past year. She is very guarded and only recently told me about her past. She does not trust easily, but I can tell that once there was someone that she trusted with everything that she had. I have also seen her break down at a snippet of song, a smell, or most especially by the bench in the garden. Perhaps, if you tell me what you know of her past I can tell you if she is the one that you are looking for."

Mulder sighed, "She used to work with me. Seven years ago, she walked into my life. I was her partner...and then last year I staged my death to stop threats against her life and against her family. I couldn't reach her, I couldn't even tell her that I was still alive...and she just disappeared. I've been looking for her ever since."

The Mother Superior shared a look with George before turning back to him, "Why have you been looking for her, Fox? Why haven't you been able to let go?"

"Because I love her, dammit!" he said, before realizing that he was in the presence of a nun.

"Then you have told me all I need to know," Mary said, gently, "Come with me. I'll take you to her."

Some life returned to his eyes at her words, and she recognized it as hope. As she led the way out of her office, she heard George whisper to his friend, "Good luck." They both would need it.

----

Sister Katherine's Cell
Our Lady of the Stars Convent
1616 Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois.
2:00 PM October. 10, 2000

Katherine lay down on her bed, staring at the ceiling as she tried to will sleep to come to her. She rested the photo on her chest, a connection that she needed even though it was but a piece of paper. The tears had stopped half an hour previously, but the ache that they left in their wake was still there.

When she heard the tapping on her door she considered leaving it unanswered, but it was not the way of a nun to let anyone stay outside of a door when it could be open. She lowered her eyes to the floor as she opened the door, which is why she started when she saw the obviously male shoes, connected to obviously male legs...to an obviously male torso...a very *familiar* torso. She gasped, raising her eyes upwards quickly to meet the gaze of the one that she had longed to see again for over a year. The warm hazel gaze of the man she loved.

Which was why she slammed the door in his face.

Outside the door, George looked at his friend, "Well, that went well."

Mulder could only stand there, his eyes locked on the door, trying to will her to open it again so he could see her. His Scully. And now he knew that it was her. He had caught glimpse of her lips, her eyes, a strand of her hair. It was her.

"I'll talk to her," Mary offered upon seeing that Mulder would not be moving for quite a while.

George nodded, gesturing for her to proceed while he took care of his friend.

Mary tapped once on the door before entering, her eyes widening at the change in the woman that she had begun to see as a daughter. Katherine, or Dana, was livid, her eyes flashing as she paced the room.

"How *dare* he? After all this time, he *dares* come back to me? I thought he was *dead* and all this time he wasn't?! He made me go through this past year without him only to now come waltzing back into my life? How *dare* he!"

"Katherine...Dana," Mary tried gently.

Scully raised her eyes, tears shining in her eyes, "How could he come back now? I thought he was dead!"

Mary gathered the woman into her arms, "I know you did, Katherine. I know. He told me that he did it to protect you and your family from a threat of some sort..."

"Cancerman," she spit out, hatred dripping from the words, "Figures. He always has to try and protect me. Why couldn't he have seen that by doing this he hurt me even more?"

"Oh Katherine, why can't you tell him this? I'm not the one that you should be telling this to. You ask for something that I cannot give you," she said, repeating the words that she had used a few days earlier.

Scully looked at the Mother Superior and nodded, "You're right." She rubbed her face with her sleeve, "I've spent most of my life running from this. I need to tell him. Especially now that he's back."

Mary smiled her encouragement as she let her go, "God be with you, Katherine."

"Thank you, Mother," Scully said, walking out the door slowly to face the man that she had needed to see for a very long time.

In the hallway, a few minutes beforehand, George shook his friend gently but firmly, frightened by the blank stare that had taken over Mulder's face as he looked at the door, "Fox. FOX. Come on, snap out of it. She'll be back in a minute."

"I've lost her," he said softly, so softly that George had to strain to hear him.

"What are you talking about?"

"I've lost her for certain now. She won't want me in her life. I probably did her a favor by getting out of her life. I should have just stayed dead to her," Mulder concluded bitterly.

"You are such a *fool,*" George spat out, "Fox, I have heard you speak about nothing else but her for the past eight years. What she did today, what she wore, how her eyes looked, nothing but *her.* You are so damn BLIND that its infuriating. Don't you think that she might feel the same way about you? Don't you think that she might have been calling up *her* friends to talk of nothing but you? You probably killed her with your 'death' as surely as if you had pulled a trigger on her. It may very well have been the same if not worse for her as when she was gone for those three months five years ago. Dammit Mulder, give her some time for God's sake."

"She's better off without me," Mulder mumbled.

George sighed, gesturing in a frustrated manner, "I give up on you. If you are so determined to wallow in your own guilt then so be it. Far be it from me to even try to knock some sense into that thick skull."

"Perhaps I can help," a soft voice said from the doorway, "I've had experience in this type of thing."

Mulder's eyes regained even more of their life as he was allowed to finally look at her. She was thin, too thin from what he had remembered of her. "Scully, I...I'm sorry."

Dana shook her head, "Mulder..."

Mulder's lips curved into a smile as his name passed through her lips, a name that he had longed to hear in her voice for so long.

As if reading his thoughts, Scully's lips also curved upwards, "Mulder, I know that you were trying to protect me. I just wish that you could have told me what you were going to do...I died with you that day. I...I lost the X-Files."

Mulder shook his head, "It doesn't matter, Scully. I don't care about them. Not any more. I wish that I had told you. I'm sorry. I did something that I had sworn to you that I wouldn't. I had ditched you again."

"That was the ultimate 'ditch,' Mulder. Death doesn't give me much time for a comeback," Scully said.

"I know...I'm sorry...It's all my fault. I..."

"Mulder, would you stop trying to take on all the guilt of the world upon your shoulders? I forgive you. I had a hard time processing that you were back for a while, but I understand now. All that matters is that you came back."

He raised his hand, resting it on her cheek, "I'm so sorry, Scully. For not telling you sooner. When I came back, I tried to find you, but you were gone. I had to ask George to help me..."

"George?" Scully asked, confused, before she placed the face to the name. She looked at him gratefully, "Thank you, George."

"My pleasure, Dana," George said, "I'm glad that you two are back together again. Its as it should be, eh Fox?"

Scully arched an eyebrow at hearing his first name.

"Um...its Mulder, George. She's back," Mulder said, a truly happy smile lighting his face, however he turned back to her, "You are coming back with me, aren't you?"

She hesitated, "Mulder..."

The happy light in his eyes died, "You took vows, didn't you."

"No! No, I'm not really a nun. This was just a cover given to me by the Gunmen..."

"The Gunmen! I had asked them to help me find you...but they refused," he exclaimed.

"Um, Mulder, they were kinda mad at you about the entire suicide thing," George recalled, but saying that they were mad was rather understating the actual situation. In fact, the Gunmen refused to even speak to Mulder when they stopped by their nondescript headquarters.

"True. They're still dead meat," Mulder muttered.

"Mulder, let them be. It was very sweet of them to try and protect me. What I was going to say is...what is my incentive for coming back? The Bureau is no longer a part of my life, the X Files are gone..."

"How about me?" he asked softly.

"What?"

"What if you could come back to me?"

She dared not believe that he meant what she hoped he did.

"I meant to say this a long time ago," Mulder began, looking away from her for a moment, nervous, "I...I love you, Scully."

With those words, Dana Scully's mouth dropped. She couldn't believe that...he said...'Ohmigod, ohmigod, he said it. He said it! He loves me!' Her eyes smiled as she closed her mouth, "You know something, Mulder? I love you too."

He was frightened for a moment, frightened that his sentiments were not returned, but he need not fear that. It was something that he had known from day one. Perhaps even for his entire life, "Its too bad that it had to take this to make us admit it, even to ourselves."

"We never were ones to take the easy route."

"Does this make us X-Files?"

"I'd say so," Scully laughed.

----

Mother Superior Mary Elizabeth's Office
Our Lady of the Stars Convent
1616 Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois.
10:00 AM October. 11, 2001

Once again Sister Katherine stood in the Mother's Superior's office, only this time she was in civilian clothes and not those of the order. Dana Katherine Scully had returned from her year's hiding and nothing could have made Mary Elizabeth happier.

"I'm sorry that I lied to you, Mother," Scully began, looking down for a moment, "I never wanted to..."

"I know, my child, but I understand. I do expect to be invited to the wedding, though," she smiled knowingly.

"Wedding?" Dana asked, confused.

"Child, with the way you two love each other, I expect you to be married by the end of the year," she predicted.

Dana laughed, hugging the older woman, "Thank you, Mother."

Mary smiled over her head, "Child, it's Mary."

"I couldn't..."

"You have earned the right, my friend. I do expect a letter from you, Katherine."

"Um, Mo…Mary, my name isn't Katherine."

"I know, dear. But to me it will always be Katherine. But if you like, what would you like me to call you?"

"Scully. My name is Scully."

Mary smiled, at last she had found her true identity. Her journey was beginning anew...in her Mulder's arms.

God certainly worked in mysterious ways.

END

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