Title: Superhero
Author: Gillian Taylor
Email: usstrustno1@hotmail.com 
Rating: PG
Category: V, R, A
Spoilers: En Ami 
Keywords: MSR, Scully/Mulder Angst 
Summary: She couldn't be his superhero 
forever.

Archive: Gossamer, Ephemeral, Spookys, 
anywhere

Disclaimer: Sadly, I can lay no claim to the 
characters from the X-Files. If I could, I 
would die a happy woman. Mulder and Scully 
belong to Ten Thirteen Productions and I'm 
only borrowing them for my own perverse 
enjoyment.

Author's notes: Join me as we return to the 
season of before, where Mulder has yet to be 
abducted, and things are far more than they 
seem between our two favorite Fibbies. 
Thanks, as usual, 
go to my beta, Crysta.


"Superhero"
by Gillian Taylor

Thunder rumbled in the distance, promising 
rain to the sun drenched soil of Washington 
DC. She watched the rain clouds build 
themselves into towering spirals as they 
rushed towards the capitol, but her mind was 
not on the promised deluge. Instead, it 
dwelt upon the man that had entered her life 
seven years before. The same man who waited 
behind her, asking her for explanations that 
she was not sure that she could give him.

How could she explain something that she did 
not understand herself? How could she tell 
him why she chose to go with the devil? How 
could she tell him that she did it as much 
for him as for herself? This was not some 
strange urge to leave him to face his quest 
alone. This was as much Her quest as it was 
his. She just had to find the answers to 
Cancer Man's questions on her own. But how 
could she make him see?

"Why?" he asked, his voice a mere breath in 
the room, "Why did you trust him? You could 
have been killed."

Suddenly, her eyes flashed, echoing the 
lighting from the storm that was drawing 
ever closer. She would not let him talk to 
her like this, putting more guilt on her 
shoulders. Somehow, she longed to have him 
wrap his arms around her and promise that it 
would be alright. But she pushed that 
thought away, now was not the time. "Damnit 
Mulder, I won't let you do this to me. I 
will not have you putting MORE on my 
shoulders than there already is. I made a 
mistake, but it was MY mistake to make." 
The words were harsh on her lips, each 
spitting fire.

"No it wasn't," he said, his head shaking as 
he approached her.

"Why not?" she asked, turning from the view 
to meet his gaze.

"Because we're partners. Because we don't 
keep secrets like this from each other. 
Because we count on each other to watch our 
backs. Damnit, Scully, I KNOW what you 
thought you were going after but you never 
even THOUGHT to ask me. You never even let 
me come with you. That doesn't anger me, 
Scully, it just disappoints me," he said, 
and his soulful eyes reflected each of the 
emotions his words described.

"How easily is that forgotten?" she said, 
regretting her words almost as soon as they 
left her mouth.

Thunder rumbled in the distance, punctuating 
his eyes' hurt and anger, "That wasn't 
fair."

"No? You're not being fair either, Mulder. 
You're telling me to stop being like you. 
What makes it alright when you do it? Why 
do you have this double standard wherein you 
can do whatever you damn well please and I 
can't? I won't stand for this."

He felt a tightening in his gut as a worm of 
fear moved in his stomach. She could be 
leaving him, he realized with shock. Though 
she should have left a dozen lifetimes ago, 
before he screwed up her life, her body, and 
the lives of her family. Yet a selfish part 
of him screamed for him to do something, 
anything, to keep her with him.

"No, Mulder," Scully said with a short shake 
of her head, reading him easily, "I'm not 
leaving you. This is my journey as much as 
it is yours. And I will see it to its end. 
I just don't want you to think that you can 
keep this double standard forever. I'm just 
as human as you are."

'No, Scully,' he longed to tell her, 'you're 
more than human. You're better than me, so 
much better, and when you're gone I'm 
nothing.' But he kept silent, the myriad 
thoughts rushing through his mind remained 
unspoken. Sometimes he was just as 
frightened of her leaving as he was of 
telling her that he loved her, "Scully..."

"Sometimes I don't think you realize that," 
she said softly, almost to herself as she 
closed herself off once again from her 
emotions. She couldn't be his superhero 
forever.

Lightening flashed in the skies, lighting 
the apartment with its harsh glare. 
Mulder's face shown in sharp relief to the 
darkness around him, the light playing 
across his angular features for a moment 
before the half darkness obscured his face 
from her once again. 

He came closer in the darkness and she could 
almost see his hazel eyes, "No, you're not 
just human, Scully. You're far more than 
that. I just...you're my touchstone, my 
bedrock, my anchor...and without you, I'd 
probably be blown away in the wind. I just 
don't want to lose you."

He had spoken such words to her before, 
words said in times of stress or fear to 
keep her at his side. Beautiful words all 
the same, but it was not what she wanted or 
needed from him. Not now, not like this, 
and not after all this time. She tilted her 
head to meet his eyes, and in an instant she 
could see the emotions playing behind his 
gaze.

She felt fear. There were emotions in him 
that she shared, those emotions that she 
kept sealed behind a steel door in her 
heart. Each second she stared into his eyes 
that door began to crack open, releasing 
more and more of who and what she was...and 
it released the part of her that was his and 
his alone. Scully struggled to regain what 
measure of control she had left, before she 
lost herself in him.

"No, Scully. Not now, not anymore," he said 
harshly, his hand reaching up to gently 
caress her cheek, "Don't hide from me."

Her eyes drifted shut as she leaned her head 
into his hand, releasing a small sigh. His 
hand left her cheek to be replaced by his 
warm lips as he kissed a trail to her mouth 
where she returned his kiss with a fervor 
that surprised her. Perhaps she never had 
control...perhaps that control was the true 
illusion.

When they pulled away from eachother, the 
rain had begun to pound against the windows 
in a stattaco beat that was in perfect 
harmony with the pounding of their hearts. 
They had taken a step in that kiss, and now 
there was no going back.

Mulder searched her eyes for any signs of 
regret, but instead of that feared emotion 
he saw her. The real her, the one that she 
kept locked away far within her soul that he 
had but few times to touch. He saw love 
glowing in that heady regard and he knew 
that it was returned in his own eyes. 

"No more hiding, Mulder. No more regrets. 
And no more superheros," Scully whispered to 
him.

And in the next flash of lighting, they both 
smiled in mutual accord.

~*FIN*~